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Tough Customer by Anonymous A little anecdote about a schoolmaster who wasn’t as much of a Wackford Squeers as he appeared to be. Music: Franz Joseph Haydn

A hen somewhere in the Indian countryside.

Tough Customer

Charles Dickens’s Nicholas Nickleby (1839) firmly fixed in the public’s mind the image of the Victorian schoolmaster as a Wackford Squeers, pitilessly exploiting his pupils for labour and feeding them little more than kitchen scraps in return. The poulterer in this little anecdote seems to have fallen easily into this trap, and paid the price.

by Anonymous

There is a good story told of a school-master who hit upon a clever expedient for securing the best of a good bargain. Addressing a poulterer who had six fowls exposed for sale in his shop he said, “I always like to give my boys plenty to do at meal-times; just pick me out the three toughest of these fowls will you?”

The poulterer, delighted at the prospect of disposing of the least valuable portion of his stock, did as he was asked, whereupon, the schoolmaster quietly remarked, “Ah, thankyou! I will take the other three, please!”

Précis

A schoolmaster devised a plan to get best meat from his local poulterer. He entered the shop and asked for the three most rubbery chickens on sale, to give to his boys. The poulterer eagerly complied, glad to rid himself of old stock. The teacher thanked him gravely, and then with undiminished politeness ordered the other three chickens instead. (59 / 60 words)

Suggested Music

Symphony No. 83 in G minor (‘The Hen’)

1. Allegro spiritoso

Franz Joseph Haydn (1732-1809)

Performed the Hamburger Camerata and Ralf Gothoni.

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You can use this passage to help improve your command of English.

IRead it aloud, twice or more. IISummarise it in one sentence of up to 30 words. IIISummarise it in one paragraph of 40-80 words. IVMake notes on the passage, and reconstruct the original from them later on. VJot down any unfamiliar words, and make your own sentences with them later. VIMake a note of any words that surprise or impress you, and ask yourself what meaning they add to the words you would have expected to see. VIITurn any old-fashioned English into modern English. VIIITurn prose into verse, and verse into prose. IXAsk yourself what the author is trying to get you to feel or think. XHow would an artist or a photographer capture the scene? XIHow would a movie director shoot it, or a composer write incidental music for it?

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